As It Should Be
by theoofoof
Summary: Set a week after Gone Baby Gone. The shadow of Noah's kidnapping is still hanging over Olivia and Rafael. Can they find a way forward, together?
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** As It Should Be  
 **Fandom:** SVU  
 **Characters/Pairings** : Barson  
 **Rating:** T/Pg-13/12A  
 **Warnings:** None

 **Summary:** Set a week after Gone Baby Gone. The shadow of Noah's kidnapping is still hanging over Olivia and Rafael. Can they find a way forward, together?

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own SVU. If I did, Barson would be a thing by now.

 **A/N:** So, this episode just wouldn't leave me alone. This is one-shot, completely unrelated to 'What Makes a Family?"

* * *

Olivia sat cuddled with Noah on the sofa. They were snuggled up under their favourite blanket watching Big Hero 6. Two bowls, that had contained generous helpings of strawberry ice-cream, lay empty on the coffee table.

As the credits of the film began to roll, Olivia placed a kiss on her son's head. "Time for bed, sweet boy." Technically, it his bedtime had passed forty-five minutes ago, but recently, Olivia had found it hard to send her son off to bed. She didn't like leaving him in his room alone, not after what had happened with Sheila. She needed him to be within her sights for as long as possible.

"Can I have a story, Momma?" Noah asked, stifling a yawn.

"A short one," Olivia agreed, knowing he would most likely be asleep before they finished the first page.

Just as they stood from the sofa, there was a short, sharp knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" Noah headed for the door.

Olivia chased after him, placing her hands on his shoulders. "No! _I_ will get it." She turned him around and ushered him back toward the couch.

Looking through the peep-hole she was surprised to see Rafael stood on the other side. He rarely stopped by without a call or a text, and she'd received neither. Still, she was happy to see him. Having been on leave for the past week, she had missed him. Yes, they'd exchanged a few messages, but it wasn't the same. His sarcastic comments didn't quite have the same affect without the accompanying smirk or eye-roll. She quickly unlocked the door and threw it wide open.

"Hi! This is a surprise."

"Hey. Yeah, I'm sorry to stop by unannounced but…" He gave her a weary smile, running a hand through his hair. "Can we talk?"

Olivia took a moment to take in her friend's appearance. He'd obviously come straight from the office; he was still in his suit, although his top button was undone and his tie askew. But he was more than just rumpled from the day. There were a few more grey hairs in the locks that were usually perfectly coiffed and now looked dishevelled as if he'd been running his hands through them. The past few years had added some laugh lines around his eyes when he flashed her that mischievous grin, but today they were visible, and he wasn't smiling.

"Of course. You're always welcome." She stepped to the side. "Come on in."

He was surprised to find Noah sat on the sofa. He glanced at the clock on the wall. "Hey amigo, isn't it past your bedtime?"

Noah leant against the arm of the couch. "Hi Uncle Rafa! Momma let me stay up later."

"Really?" Rafael glanced at his friend; she was usually quite strict about Noah's bedtime.

"Only a little," Olivia said, wrapping her arms around herself. "Besides, we were just about to go and have a story when you arrived, weren't we Noah?"

Noah nodded. "Yeah. Uncle Rafa, can you do my story please?" Noah asked, sliding off the couch and walking towards him, holding Eddie tightly in his arms. He loved Uncle Rafa's stories. He always did voices and actions.

"Noah, Uncle Rafa's been at work all day." Olivia explained. "He might be tired and-"

Rafael watched Noah's face fall. "No, it's okay. I don't mind." He ruffled the little boy's hair as his smile reappeared. "Go get ready for bed and choose a book, okay?"

"Okay."

Olivia moved through the living room, picking up Noah's discarded toys. Rafael followed, shedding his coat. He lay it, and his briefcase, on the chair with a sigh.

"Bad day?" Olivia asked, folding the blanket and placing over the back of the sofa.

"I've had better. You?"

She shrugged. "Grocery shopping, the park, then home for spaghetti night a movie and ice-cream." She indicated the bowls on the table.

"So, no school then?" Rafael asked hesitantly.

Olivia sighed. "No. Not yet." Olivia held up a hand to halt the comment she knew was coming. "I know, I know. I can't keep him off forever. It's just-"

"Uncle Rafa, I'm ready," called Noah from his room.

Rafael followed Olivia down the hall and stood in the doorway and watched as she and Noah, who was already lay down, completed their nightly routine.

"Have you done your teeth?" Olivia asked. Noah nodded, automatically opening his mouth to show her. Olivia inspected his efforts and nodded approvingly. "Good night, sweet boy." She kissed his forehead. "I love you."

"Love you too, Momma."

Olivia stood from the bed. "I'll make us a drink," she said, laying a hand on his arm. "Coffee? Or something stronger?"

"Something stronger, I think." He took Olivia's place on the edge of Noah's bed and opened the copy of 'Ten Little Dinosaurs'. As Noah snuggled into him and curled his fist around one of Rafael's suspenders, he began to read, "Ten little dinosaurs, hatching from their eggs, blinking in the sunshine, stretching out their legs…"

* * *

Olivia poured herself a glass of Cabernet and a large glass of scotch for Rafael. She always kept a bottle in the cupboard for him, for when he came over to prep for trial. With her having Noah, it was easier (not to mention more comfortable) to work at her place, rather than either of their offices.

She placed the glasses on the table and curled up on the coach, reading the news on her phone while she waited for Rafael to finish Noah's story. She managed to skim read a couple of interesting articles, before he returned.

"He okay?" she enquired, placing her phone on the table.

Rafael nodded. "We barely got past 'nine little dinosaurs' before he was asleep." He picked up his glass of scotch, and joined her on the couch.

"I shouldn't be keeping him up, I know. But whenever he's out of my sight I'm gripped by this feeling of absolute terror. Do you know how desperately I want to rush in there right now and check on him?"

"So, go. If it will help you feel better, go and check on your son."

She shifted, but didn't get up, just picked up her phone and opened a new app. She turned it toward Rafael. "No need."

He did a double take. "Is that…" He moved closed to the screen "…Noah?" Sure enough, there on the screen was a slightly grainy video stream from the room down the hall. "There's an app for that?"

Olivia nodded. "That first night… I couldn't leave his room and he wouldn't sleep with me in there. I threw out his actual baby monitor a couple of years ago so went online to order a new one and found this app. My iPad sits on his shelf and streams straight to my phone."

Rafael stared wide-eyed at the video feed on the screen in front of him, both impressed and baffled in equal measure about the uses of technology these days.

Olivia placed the phone back on the table, this time leant against a stack of books. "Don't judge me. I'm trying, alright?"

"I'm not, Liv. I'm not." He tore his eyes away from the video of child who was sleeping down the hall and turned to face her. "I can't begin to imagine what you went through when he was gone, Liv. Whatever helps you to cope… is fine. You do what you need to do." He remembered the fear and dread that had filled him when he'd heard about Noah. But that was nothing compared to what Olivia had experienced.

Olivia dragged her bottom lip between her teeth. "What if it never goes away, Rafa? This fear, this… paranoia?"

The haunting sadness in her tone made him ache. He placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "It will. It's barely been a week. You've just got to give it time." He stretched his fingers and stroked her hair. "He's home. He's safe."

"You didn't come here to talk about this."

He rolled his eyes. "Will you stop saying that? We're friends Liv, we're supposed to be there for each other."

"Well then, are you going to tell your friend what's bothering you? You did ask if we could talk."

Rafael hesitated, letting his hand drop from her hair. Having seen how the events of the previous week were still affecting her, he wasn't sure now was the best time for this conversation. "It can wait…"

"Don't give me that, Rafa. Something is clearly weighing on your mind."

He downed his scotch, the amber liquid burning as it slid down his throat. "The DA asked to see me tonight. Sheila…" He inhaled slowly, watching her reaction carefully. "Sheila has refused her deal."

Olivia's eyes snapped to his. "What?"

"She wants her day in court. She believes that when the jury hear her side of the story; how she lost Ellie, wasn't told about Noah, that they'll acquit."

"Oh my God," she breathed, running her hand through her hair. "This is never going to end is it?"

Rafael leant forward, placing his glass on the coffee table and resting his elbows on his knees. His eyes fell on a photo of Noah on his first day of school. Olivia kneeling proudly at his side. He couldn't help but think how that was the last photo of the two of them before this whole nightmare first began. Less than an hour after that happy smiling moment, Olivia had grabbed Noah, to pull him from the path of an oncoming taxi, with no idea what she was setting in motion. "The DA wants me to take on the case."

The powers that be wanted Sheila in jail. She had targeted a police officer's child and taken him across state lines. That was unacceptable. It wasn't automatically his case, but 1PP and the Mayor wanted the best, and to Jack McCoy, that was Rafael Barba.

From the thick silence that settled over them and the way Rafael was avoiding her gaze, Olivia could tell that wasn't all of it. "There's something else, isn't there?"

"Liv, I…"

Suddenly, in a moment of blinding clarity, it hit her. "Are you going to refuse?"

"I've been given the option. The DA understands that, given our… friendship, I may wish to decline."

"But you won't." He still wouldn't look at her. "You will take the case, right?"

He sighed. "There's a new EDA coming in. Peter Stone… He's good Liv."

"Not as good as you," she replied automatically. In her mind, he was the best. Relentless, ambitious, intelligent. He had all the pre-requisites and more to put Sheila in jail. And she wanted her in jail. That woman had put her through two days of hell and, while Olivia could perhaps understand why she had done it, she still wanted her to be punished. Once Sheila was locked up, perhaps she and Noah could get back to some semblance of normality.

"I'm just not sure it's the best idea, Liv."

Olivia was confused. She'd never known Rafael to be this conflicted about taking on a case. She placed her hand on his back, between his shoulder blades. "What's this really about, Rafa?"

"I'm too close to the case," he admitted, head hung low. "To you. To Noah. Historically, I don't do to well in cases where I have… an interest."

"That's not true."

Rafael shook his head. "It is. It happened with Alejandro – I let our shared history cloud my judgement."

"You saw him for what he was though, in the end."

"I failed Rollins when we charged Deputy Chief Patton, and when Noah contracted measles and we took that anti-vaxxer to trail, I failed to get the felony conviction."

"Rafa…"

"And then there was…" He bit his lip, before hissing, "William Lewis."

Olivia tried not to flinch at the name that fell from Rafael's lips. "He was found guilty."

Rafael turned toward her, but kept his focus on the floor, guilt forbidding any eye contact with her. "Not for attempted murder. Not for attempted rape. I had you relive those awful days when he had you. The torture, the degradation and for what?" His face was dark, and he was wringing his hands.

Seeing that he was struggling to hold himself together, Olivia desperately wanted to hold him. To comfort this man who had breezed into her life five years ago with a smart-ass comment and cocky attitude, but had quickly become one of her closest friends. She had never thought it was possible to trust someone as much as she trusted Rafael Barba. "But he went to jail Rafa. You got him off the streets."

"Not soon enough. If I'd done my job properly in the first place, then he never would have been able to-"

"Stop!" she begged, laying her other hand on his arm. It pained Olivia to see him like this. She couldn't believe that he had been carrying this guilt for all this time.

She moved closer to him, pausing momentarily to gather her thoughts. She wanted to say exactly what he needed to hear. "What happened with William Lewis was not your fault." The hand on his back travelled up to the back of his neck, stroking gently. She spoke softly. "I neverblamed you, Rafa. Never."

He raised an eyebrow. "How could you not?"

Olivia's emotional control was now breaking down, she needed Rafael to believe what she was saying so much, it physically ached. She stroked the hair at the nape of his neck; a comforting, compassionate gesture. "There were times when I wanted to blame others, believe me. Rollins for arresting him, Cragen for sending me in to interview him, the judge for granting bail, Cassidy for working overtime. But not you. Never you." Tears pooled in her eyes, and Rafael's too as he listened to her words. "You did everything you could. He just manipulated the system at every turn. It wasn't your fault. I need you to believe that."

Rafael finally brought his eyes to meet Olivia's and, when he saw the wetness in her eyes, he moved closer, wrapping his arms around her. She returned his embrace, holding him tightly. Rafael buried his face in her hair, cherishing the smell of her, allowing the familiar scent to soother him. Pulling back, he gently caressed her cheek, wiping away the single tear that had escaped.

"I don't want to let you down again."

"You've never let me down." She reached up and covered his hand where it rested against her cheek. "I have faith in you Rafa. If you take this to court I know you will do your utmost to get a conviction." He opened his mouth to protest but Olivia silenced him with a finger to his lips. "But, if you want to let this new DA, Stone, take the case, then I have faith in that decision as well."

"I just want to do right by you, Liv."

"You will. I know you will. I know that whatever decision you make, you will do so because you believe it's what is best for all three of us. Me, Noah _and_ you."

Gazing into the depths of her eyes, Rafael saw something that almost took his breath away, complete trust and pure love. He had dreamt of her looking at him like this for so long, never daring to imagine that she would. Seeing his own feelings reflected in her gaze, Rafael slowly brought his lips to hers, placing a light, tender kiss on them. His eyes slipped closed as feelings of awe and excitement rushed through him.

After a few, all to brief, moments, he opened his eyes to check her reaction, to give her the chance to pull away, should she wish. She didn't. She raised her hand to his cheek, her fingers moving along his jaw in the faintest of caresses as she returned his soft kiss.

When the kiss ended, Rafael lay his forehead against hers. "Was that… okay?" He was fairly confident that it was, otherwise she'd have sucker-punched him, but he had to be sure. It was one of the effects of working sex crimes; it made you hypervigilant to issues of consent.

"Mmmmm," she hummed with a smile, pulling back to look at him. "It was very… nice."

"Nice? That's it?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Fishing for compliments, counsellor? And you, always the confident one."

He ducked his head, mumbling. "Not always." No, matters of the heart were something he'd never been particularly confident with.

Olivia placed her fingers under his chin and lifted his head. "Maybe I didn't get the full effect. I mean, it was rather… brief." She hooked her leg over him and moved so she was straddling his lap. "Wanna try it again?"

Rafael didn't need asking twice. His hands swept into her hair, threading into her long, thick locks as their lips met once more. He ran his tongue along her lips, and she parted them eagerly, allowing him entrance. This kiss was the antithesis of their first; hot, passionate and demanding, but just as wonderful.

His hands slid to her waist, toying with the hem of her t-shirt. She shivered as his fingers brushed the skin underneath. She grabbed at his hair, fingers raking over his scalp as she pressed further into him. The bulge she felt beneath her was impressive and she couldn't help but let out a low moan.

Rafael hissed as she rubbed against him. "Liv?" He asked between kisses. "This is… amazing but maybe… maybe we should… slow down?"

She pulled away, breathless and scooted back a little, holding onto his shoulders for balance. "Sorry." She bit her lip, cheeks flushing. "I guess I got a little carried away."

"No, _cariño_ , don't apologise. I was more than enjoying myself." He took her hand and placed a kiss on the inside of her wrist. "I should probably take you to dinner first though. Wine and dine you."

"You don't need to seduce me, Rafa. I'm already yours."

"Good to know. But I want… I need to do this right." If things turned out the way he hoped they would have plenty of time to explore the physical side of their relationship, but you only got one first time with someone. He wanted it to be perfect for them because he didn't plan on having a first time with anyone else.

The intensity in his eyes as she spoke rendered Olivia almost speechless. "O-okay."

"So, you'll let me take you out one night? Maybe later this week?"

"But… Noah…"

"Will be safe here with Lucy for an hour or two. Or Amanda. Or whoever you trust to leave him with."

"I'd leave him with you," she told him.

"Hard to do if I'm the one taking you to dinner. But it's nice to know." He cupped her face. "You can call to check on him as often as you like, I won't be offended. But if you're really not comfortable going out, we can always stay in. I'll cook."

"I didn't know you could cook. Anything else I need to know?"

"You'll find out in time. I'm full of surprises." He waggled his eyebrows and she laughed. He thought it was the first genuine laugh he'd heard from her since Noah had disappeared. "Seriously though, if you want to stay in, we can."

"Book a table."

"Are you sure?"

Olivia nodded, sliding off his lap back to onto the sofa. "I'm not saying I won't freak out, because I still might. But I want to go to dinner with you Rafa." She curled her legs up next to her and leaned into his side.

He wrapped his arm around, anchoring her to him and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Wow. I can't believe we're actually doing this. I dreamt but I never thought we'd actually get here."

"Me neither." Her fingers traced nonsensical patterns on his thigh. "But I'm glad we did."

He smiled. "Me too. You know what this means?"

"Hmm." She smirked. "That it'll be so much easier to get a warrant from you now."

Rafael rolled his eyes. "In your dreams. No, I was thinking more about how I definitely can't prosecute Sheila now." It was too much of a conflict of interest now. If he did and Sheila's defence found out about him and Olivia, it could put the entire trial in jeopardy. "Is that... are you okay with that?"

Olivia craned her neck to look at him. "Yes. I told you I have faith in you. If you trust this new guy… Stone, did you say his name was?" Rafael nodded. "If you trust him, then that's good enough for me."

"I'll still be there," he assured her. "In court."

"I know." While there were still a lot of things she needed to learn about Rafael – how well her could cook, how his bare skin would feel pressed against hers - she knew he wouldn't miss a day of the trial, even if it meant taking leave from work for the duration. She yawned loudly, a clear indication of just how tired she was. "Sorry." She was exhausted, both emotionally and physically. She hadn't been sleeping, wanting to stay awake and alert to protect Noah. Over the last few days, she had reached that point where her body insisted that she sleep, but when she did she the dreams came; the nightmarish images of all the worst possible outcomes that could have occurred, and she would wake, terrified in the dead of night.

"It's okay." He shifted their positions, stretching out on the sofa so that she was cradled against his chest but resting against the back of the sofa.

Her body felt heavy, but for the first time in a week, her heart and mind felt lighter. Rafael was warm, and he smelled good. She sighed wearily as she tangled her legs with his. She felt safe there, in his arms, surrounded by his scent and warmth. She knew that she could close her eyes and fall asleep right here in his arms and he would take care of her.

"Stay?" she mumbled.

"Always." His fingers combed through her hair. When she hummed, he smiled. "Close your eyes, Liv." His lips brushed the top of her head whilst his other hand drew small lazy circles against her back. Soon her body went slack against him as she surrendered to sleep. He pulled the blanket down from the back of the sofa and lay it over them.

How long she would sleep he didn't know, but he would stay, holding her for the duration. Before sleep claimed him too, he took one final look at Olivia's phone, still sat on the table showing the video feed of Noah asleep down the hall. Thankfully, the little boy didn't seem to be too affected by his little road trip last week and was home safe and sound.

Right now, Rafael was more concerned about Olivia. While she didn't need looking after, she deserved to be taken care of for a little while. He was more than happy to do that. He would hold her while she slept and then, tomorrow, they would wake and face the day together. As it should be.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** When I first started this story I didn't intend for it to be anything other than a one shot, but then a few of you asked for another chapter and I started to play around with some ideas. Then we got the whole 'Eddie being jailed for stealing all the ice-cream' scene in the following episode and I thought there was more too that line than we were being shown. So here we have my headcanon for how that line came about...

* * *

The couch was nowhere for anyone over the age of twenty to be sleeping. That was the thought that entered Olivia's mind when her eyes fluttered open an hour later. She woke feeling relaxed and safe in Rafael's arms. So much so, that she almost closed her eyes and fell back to sleep. She forced herself to keep her eyes open though. Her back would not thank her if she spent the remainder of the night on the couch. Neither, she was sure, would Rafael's.

He grunted when she moved, and his arms tightened around her. She placed a hand on his chest and began to, slowly, untangle herself from his embrace. His eyes blinked open sleepily and he stared at her for a few seconds, clearly disorientated. Olivia smiled as she watched the fog clear and he remembered why they were asleep together on her couch.

Keeping her eyes open was a chore and she hid a yawn behind her hand as she rose from the sofa.

"I should go," he mumbled quietly, sitting up. "Will you be okay for the rest of the night?"

"No. I'll be worrying you've wrapped your car around a tree because you fell asleep at the wheel." She reached for his hand, tugging him up from the sofa. "I don't have a guest room, so you'll have to make do with me." The sofa did fold out, but she didn't want to be messing about with that at this time of night. Besides, after the events of the evening, she didn't see any reason why they shouldn't share her bed. Their relationship was heading in that direction after all.

She made to move for the bedroom, but Rafael stood still, stopping her dead. "Liv… I probably should go."

She arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Really?" she drawled.

"What? So, I don't just assume I can sleep in a beautiful woman's bed. Sue me." He ran his hand through his hair. "I told you, I want to do this right."

"And we will," she assured him. "We're both adults, I'm sure we can share a bed without getting carried away. Besides, I'm too tired to even think about _that_ tonight."

She took a step down the hall and, thankfully, he went with her. As Olivia discarded her cardigan, Rafael unfastened his suspenders and removed his shirt, leaving him in just his undershirt and trousers, before they slipped into bed together. Lying on his back, Rafael curled an arm behind his head and let his eyes drift closed.

He opened them a few moments later as the bed shifted beside him. Olivia was curling into him. He wrapped his arm around her, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder and drape her arm over his stomach, and together they drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Rafael was awakened several hours later by the bed shifting once more. But it wasn't Olivia. She was still nestled into his side, fast asleep. He lifted his head and glanced over her sleeping form. The door was open and there was a soft light filtering in from the hall. Olivia always left a lamp on in case Noah woke in the middle of the night, as apparently, he had tonight.

The little boy was climbing up onto the bed on Olivia's other side. Rafael looked at the clock; they'd only been in bed a couple of hours. When Noah sniffed, Rafael glanced at Olivia. He didn't want to wake her. Not yet. Not when she was finally getting a decent night's sleep.

He rubbed a hand over his face and eased out from beneath Olivia's arm. She moaned quietly and burrowed into the space he had vacated. But thankfully, didn't wake. Rafael tucked the covers around her as he slipped out of bed.

"Hey," he whispered, rounding the bed to pluck Noah away. He led him into the hall and pulled the door closed quietly behind him. In the soft light of the hall, Rafael could see that Noah had been crying. "What's the matter, amigo?" He felt his forehead, thinking he maybe had a fever, but it was cool to the touch.

"I had a bad dream." Noah's bottom lip puckered and began to tremble. "I want Momma."

"I know. But Momma's sleeping right now. How about you come and tell me about and we let your Mom rest a little while longer, hmm?"

Taking his hand, he led the little boy to the living room and sat down on the sofa with him. Noah snuggled close.

"A dinosaur was chasing me." He sniffled. "He was going to eat me."

Before meeting Noah, Rafael had no idea of the weird and scary places a child's mind could go. "That's pretty scary," agreed Rafael. "Good thing dinosaurs are extinct then, isn't it?"

"What's extinct?"

"It means they all died and there's no more on the earth."

"Oh."

"So, there's no need to worry about being chased by one. Okay, amigo?"

"I guess," he sighed. Noah sniffed again and, after a moment of contemplation, looked up at him again. "How come you're here, Uncle Rafa? Did you have a sleepover?"

That was a question Rafael had hoped wouldn't come until Olivia was awake. He reached for the remote and flicked to a twenty-four-hour kids' channel. He kept the volume low and settled back on the sofa while he considered his answer. He stretched his legs out in front of him, feet on the coffee table. "Yeah, something like that." It was true enough and safe enough to, hopefully not elicit anymore questions from Noah's inquisitive mind.

The two of them sat quietly for a few moments, engrossed in the cartoon, until the sound of Rafael's stomach rumbling ripped through the silence.

"Uh oh. Shouldn't have skipped dinner," deadpanned Rafael. Noah giggled. "Fancy a midnight snack?" he whispered conspiratorially.

"But it's gone midnight," Noah observed, looking at the display on the DVR.

"True, but it is the middle of the night, so I think it still counts, right?"

Noah nodded eagerly. Swinging his feet off the table, Rafael rose from the couch. "I'll be right back, okay?"

Rafael returned moments later with a tub of strawberry ice-cream and two spoons. He took the lid off and held out a spoon to Noah.

The boy looked a little unsure as he eyed the spoon. "That's Momma's ice-cream," he told Rafael seriously. It was her favourite and she didn't like to share it with anyone - not even him. She always made sure he had his own, but he'd finished his the previous evening.

"I'll buy her some more," Rafael promised, "Before she even notices it's gone. But if you don't want any…" He snatched the spoon away playfully. Noah dived after it, laughing and wrestled Rafael for it.

They dug into the ice-cream eagerly. Olivia was going to kill him, Rafael thought. Filling Noah with sugar in the middle of the night, but the boy had been through a tough time so anyway he could make him smile was worth it. Besides, he was sure that once wouldn't hurt.

In the end though, Noah only ate two or three spoonfuls. It was Rafael who demolished the rest of the tub. Once they'd finished, Rafael sent Noah to re-brush his teeth while he cleared away any evidence of their late-night snack. He threw the spoons into the dishwasher and put the empty ice-cream tub in the trash. Settling back onto the sofa, Rafael pulled the blanket over them as Noah wriggled around until he was comfortable, laying his head on Rafael's shoulder. "Can we have pancakes for breakfast?"

"Yeah, we can do that." Rafael leaned his head against the back of the sofa and let his eyes fall closed. He stroked Noah's curls and it wasn't long before he was still and quiet; asleep once more. Yes. It was definitely worth it.

* * *

Olivia woke an empty bed; the space beside her cool to the touch. She lifted her head and looked around the room, there was no sign of Rafael. Glancing at the clock she saw it was almost 10 o'clock. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept so long without interruption. Probably not since she first brought Noah home, but definitely not in the past week. Realising that Noah should have woken her already, her heart rate tripled. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and was about to run in to check on him, when she noticed Rafael's dress shirt on the floor by the chair. The knowledge that he hadn't left calmed her fears somewhat. He had probably kept Noah occupied, allowing her to catch up on some much-needed sleep.

Plucking her oversized cardigan from where it lay next to Rafael's shirt, she made her way quietly down the hall, searching for him. Entering the living room, she found him on the sofa. She moved around the edge of the sofa and stopped. As Olivia expected, Noah was with him. What she hadn't expected was for them both to be fast asleep. Rafael was leant back on the sofa, snoring quietly, Noah nestled in the crook of his arm. Olivia crept closer, settling carefully onto the cushions on his other side.

She swept the dark curls out of her son's face. One of his hands was curled into Rafael's shirt as though he was afraid he would disappear. Drawing her legs up beneath her, she reached for the blanket that covered the pair. She inched closer, underneath it and lay her hand against Rafael's stomach.

He stirred at her touch, his eyes blinking open. "Hey."

Olivia smiled at him, brushing her lips against the curve of his jaw. "Hi." She glanced down at her son. "How long have you been out here?"

Rafael looked at the clock. "A few hours," he said with a shrug, not wanting to worry Olivia with the exact length of time. "He had a bad dream," he explained. "He came looking for you and woke me trying to climb onto the bed." He shrugged again. "I didn't want to wake you."

"His dream… did he tell you what it was about?"

"Don't worry, it wasn't about Sheila," Rafael assured, reading her thoughts. "A dinosaur was chasing him." He cocked his head and hummed. "Hmm, maybe it could have been a metaphor," he quipped.

Olivia managed a small smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Come on, Liv," Rafael said. Kids have nightmares about scary animals all the time. It's just timing, making this seem worse than it is."

Olivia sank back into the couch cushions. "I know… I just… ever since we came home I've been second guessing myself. Everything seems tainted now, somehow."

Rafael lifted his free arm and wrapped it around her shoulder. "Nothing is tainted, Liv." He pressed a kiss to her temple.

Olivia reached across and stroked Noah's hair. "Thank you for getting up with him."

Rafael shrugged. "It wasn't exactly a hardship; we just sat and watched cartoons. Oh, and he asked if I was here because we," he gestured between himself and Olivia, "had a sleepover…"

Olivia smirked, wishing she'd been awake to see the look on Rafael's face when faced with that question. "And you said?"

"Something suitably vague. I didn't know what you wanted to tell him."

"I don't know," she admitted. "It's not like I've done this before."

Rafael narrowed his eyes. "Well, what did you tell him about… Tucker." Rafael grimaced as the name left his lips. Even now, after all this time, it still hurt to think of her with him.

At the mention of her ex's name Olivia stiffened. Drawing away from him, she stood and walked to the kitchen, busying herself with the coffee maker and pulling down two mugs.

Rafael joined her moments later, having laid Noah's head gently on a throw pillow. His hands held her waist and he drew her back against him, stilling her movements. "Sorry. Your relationship with Tucker… it's none of my business. I didn't mean to pry."

"No, it's okay Rafa." She drew his arms around her and laced their fingers together on her stomach. Looking at his reflection in the window above the sink, she continued quietly. "I know how much my being with him hurt you. I don't think I'll ever forget the look in your eyes the day you found out."

"I was jealous as hell," he admitted. "But that's not important. This is all new to me too Liv. I've never been in a relationship with anyone who had kids before. I only asked what you told Noah about Tucker, so I had some idea of what to expect."

"I didn't tell Noah anything." She ducked her head. "He was only three. To him, Tucker was just a friend of his mom's. He never joined us for breakfast, I always made sure he was gone before Noah woke up."

"I hope you're not going to do that with me. I promised Noah pancakes." He nosed her hair aside and placed a kiss on her shoulder.

She turned in his arms and reached up to cup his cheek. "Never. That's the thing, Rafa. This… us… it's completely different to what I had with Tucker. And it scares the hell out of me. I want you here, in my apartment, in my life, in Noah's life, but I haven't got the first clue how to go about it. Especially where Noah is concerned."

"Look, Noah's used to me being around, do you think it will it bother him if I'm suddenly around more?"

"Bother him? Not a chance. He loves it when you're here. You know that."

Rafael smiled. He did know that, but it was nice to have it confirmed by Olivia. "Okay, so maybe we don't tell him anything specific about us. If we just act like a couple; hold hands, cuddle, the occasional kiss and maybe he'll make the correlations himself." Rafael didn't know much about children, but he knew Noah. That little boy was smart and inquisitive, and he noticed everything.

Olivia nodded thoughtfully. "You know, that could work."

"There's no need to sound so impressed," he deadpanned.

She merely rolled her eyes in response. "I mean, he's only five. That's probably too young to fully understand the concept of boyfriends and girlfriends anyway, right?"

"Is that what I am then, your _boyfriend_." Rafael wrinkled his nose. "Sounds a bit… high school."

She raised an eye-brow. "Is there another term you'd prefer I use with my five-year-old?"

Rafael chuckled. "You may have a point, there." He edged her back until he back touched the counter and pressed his lips to hers. They stood in her kitchen exploring the new-found facet of their relationship; shearing teasing kisses and gentle touches.

"Momma? Uncle Rafa?"

Before they could get too carried away, Noah's sleepy voice carried from the living room and Olivia and Rafael parted with only a hint of reluctance, both knowing that Noah had to take priority.

"Good morning, my love," Olivia called back as she walked through to him.

Noah's head appeared over the back of the couch. He smiled and lifted his arms as he saw her approach. "Momma!"

Olivia wrapped her arms around her son and cuddled him close. She ran her fingers through his hair, kissing his temple.

"Did Uncle Rafa go home?" Noah asked as he pulled back.

"No, I'm still here," Rafael announced, rounding the counter carrying two cups of coffee. He handed one off to Olivia, before ruffling Noah's hair. "Buenos Dias, amigo."

Noah laughed. "Morning Uncle Rafa! Are we still having pancakes for breakfast?"

* * *

By the time everyone was showered and dressed for the day, it was almost lunchtime. Disappointed that he hadn't got the pancake breakfast he'd been promised, Noah had requested them for lunch instead. Olivia had relented, saying he could have one, after he'd eaten some home-made vegetable soup.

Once they'd finished their soup, Rafael and Noah sat round the coffee table, building with his Lego, while Olivia made the pancakes. Rafael had offered to do it, but she had waved him away, on account of the fact that he was a guest. When the last pancake was cooked through, she put them in the bottom of the oven to keep them warm while she collected the various toppings she thought her son and Rafael might like.

When she opened the freezer though, her brow creased. "Noah," she called through from the kitchen, "Did you eat all my ice-cream?"

Rafael's eyes widened as he looked up and saw Olivia rooting around the freezer, looking for the ice-cream he'd eaten the night before. He grimaced as he exchanged a worried look with Noah.

"Noah?" Olivia called again. "Did you hear me? I asked if you had eaten my ice-cream. I could have sworn I had another tub in the freezer."

The little boy shook his head. "Wasn't me, Momma," he said honestly. He had, after all only had two spoons.

She rounded the counter into the living room and fixed Noah with a pointed look. "Noah?"

"It wasn't me Momma," Noah repeated. "I promise."

"Well if I didn't eat it, and you didn't eat it, then…"

Rafael, feeling bad that Noah was getting grief for his transgression, opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off when Noah piped up again.

"Maybe it was Eddie?" he suggested. "Right, Uncle Rafa?"

"Um… Could have been. I never trusted him, shifty eyes." Rafael couldn't believe that he was going along with this charade, but the fact that Noah was trying to save him from Olivia's wrath… it was heart-warming. And the kid was cute enough, that the little white lie just might work.

Olivia rolled her eyes at Rafael agreeing with the tall tale, before kneeling down next to her son. "Noah," she sighed. "We've talked before about how important it is to tell the truth."

Or maybe not. Rafael shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Olivia pressed Noah for answers about the disappearing dessert.

"I am telling the truth Momma. I didn't eat your ice-cream."

Olivia's voice dropped to a dangerous tone. "Noah Porter Benson, if you-"

"Liv!" Rafael couldn't take it anymore. Not when the poor little boy was getting the full name treatment and _that_ tone. He'd heard her use that tone before – it never ended well.

She turned sharply. "What?" she hissed.

"It wasn't Eddie."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you think?"

"It wasn't Noah either." Rafael's teeth scraped over his bottom lip. "It was me."

Olivia stood. "You?"

"When I got up with Noah last night, I got a little peckish," he admitted. "Noah warned me that it was yours, but I didn't think you'd mind. I'm sorry."

Olivia stared at him, unsure of how to react to his confession. On the one hand, she wanted to be angry – she'd been looking forward to ice-cream with her pancakes, but on the other she couldn't bring herself to be that mad; she knew he'd skipped dinner the previous evening and he'd gotten up with her son in the middle of the night to comfort him, so that she could catch up on her sleep.

"Please don't be mad at Uncle Rafa," pleaded Noah. "He said he'd buy you some more."

"He did?" Olivia looked to Rafael for confirmation.

Rafael nodded. "I did."

"Oh, well in that case, I suppose you're forgiven."

Rafael was too busy being relieved that he missed the mischievous, knowing look on her face.

"How about this? Once we've finished our pancakes, why don't we go to a movie and on the way back we'll call at the store and I'll replace your ice-cream?" Rafael suggested to Olivia, before turning to Noah. "I hear someone really wants to see Ferdinand."

Noah was on his feet instantly, bouncing from one foot to another. "Oh, please Momma! Please! Can we?"

Seeing her son so animated, never failed to make her smile. He'd been wanting to see this film for weeks and, while it might not be her cup of tea, she couldn't deny him. "I suppose so."

"Yay!" He ran over to hug her and then Rafael. "We can't buy Momma's ice cream today, Uncle Rafa."

"Noah, I have to. I took something that didn't belong to me and that was wrong." He felt bad that Noah had attempted to cover for him and wanted to make sure that the little boy understood that actions had consequences. "I have to replace it."

"I know but Momma's ice-cream doesn't come from the shop. It gets delivered."

Rafael's brow furrowed as he glanced at Olivia. "Delivered?"

She smirked knowingly. "You know how I am selective about my ice-cream."

"Why do I get the feeling that my bank account is going to take a serious hit here?" If she was getting it delivered, separately to her groceries, that probably meant it cost a bit.

"Probably because it is." She handed him her phone, the ice-cream website open on the screen.

Rafael's eyes widened as he saw the price. "How much?!"

Olivia folded her arms. "It's very good ice-cream."

"That may be the case, but $10 for a pint of ice-cream is rather excessive isn't it?"

"Remind me again how much you spend on socks. Or Scotch for that matter." She ushered Noah to the kitchen to get his pancakes while they were still warm. As she passed Rafael, her hand brushed his chest. "By the way, they only deliver a minimum of 6 cartons at a time," she told him smugly.

"I should have let the elephant take the fall," murmured Rafael, following Olivia into the kitchen for dessert.

After ordering the replacement ice-cream, Rafael joined Noah and Olivia at the table. Dessert was a quiet affair; Noah was too busy wolfing down his pancake to speak and Olivia was clearly distracted, barely eating and absentmindedly pushing a piece of pancake around her plate with her fork.

"I am sorry about the ice-cream," Rafael told her, assuming her low mode was a result of his actions.

"I know," she replied. "It's okay, you're forgiven. I just…" she glanced at Noah and bit her lip, not wanting to speak in front of him.

Almost as soon as Noah was finished, Rafael sent him off to find his shoes. "What's wrong?" he asked, placing a reassuring hand on Olivia's shoulder.

"The movies… are we sure that's a good idea. It'll be busy… so many people… what if…" The more she thought about taking Noah to a dark, crowded movie theatre the more she was filled with dread.

"Hey. I'm here," he assured her, seeing the trepidation in her eyes. "Nothing's going to happen to Noah."

"I know." Olivia nodded, the irony not lost on her. She was the one who carried a badge and a gun, yet Rafael was the one acting as her protector. But in the moments where fear clouded her judgement and she didn't feel she could trust her instincts, he was there looking out for both her and Noah. He would offer a calming touch or crack some wise-ass comment that would have her rolling her eyes or smiling, Sometimes even both. His mere presence made things better. Made her feel safer.

Talking about her feelings and hearing Rafael's reassurances, helped lighten her mood. She smiled at him as she stood from the table and put the plates in the dishwasher. "Come on then," she beckoned, as she walked back past him towards the front door. "Maybe I'll let you share my popcorn."

At the door, Olivia stepped into her boots, lacing them up before reaching for her coat. Rafael beat her to it, holding it out for her to slip into. She smiled and tried not to notice how his hands smoothed down her arms, his breath so close on the back of her neck. She wanted to turn and kiss him, but she resisted. Noah would be back in a moment, and although they had decided to appear as a couple to him, she didn't want to get carried away.

Right on cue, Noah returned. He hopped into the room, wearing only one sneaker. "Momma, I can't find my other shoe."

"Hmmm. I wonder…" Olivia smirked in Rafael's direction. "Maybe Eddie stole it?"

Rafael gave her a tight smile. He could see this becoming something of an inside joke. "He's becoming a menace that elephant. Someone should lock him up."

Olivia giggled as she walked off to hunt for Noah's missing shoe.

Once it was found, and securely in place on Noah's foot, Rafael reached for the boy's coat and, just as he had with Olivia, helped him bundle up to face the cold. Once satisfied that Noah was sufficiently sheltered from the elements, he held out his hand to Olivia.

"You ready?"

Olivia looked from his hand to his face as she fastened her coat, considering the implications of such a seemingly innocuous question. She didn't know how she would react to the crowds at the movies, and she wouldn't until they got there But, she did feel better about things. It was a process, she knew that. Her anxiety wouldn't completely disappear overnight. However, she wouldn't be dealing with it alone, not now. Her new relationship with Rafael was complicated. They would need to move forward carefully, but it no longer seemed at all as intimidating as she thought it would be. She had no way of predicting what would happen next, either with Sheila's trial or in her relationship with Rafael, but despite her fears, she was more than willing to find out.

"Yes," she said brightly, taking both his and Noah's hands. "Let's go."


End file.
